Breathtaking beauty, otherworldly confidence, stunningly charming, comforting smile and a pure soul. We wouldn't know if we are talking about Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana. Both these women were such force of nature, that the world did not know what to do with them. And that became a problem for the women in question.
Princess Diana - is not unknown to the world - as the most photographed person of her time. She was so mesmerising that the cameras started clicking the moment her head lifted up and people could see her face. She was not just a beautiful woman, but also a beautiful human. She had so much love to give to the world, that she chose her own ways of giving love to the world.
Marilyn Monroe became a sex symbol of her time over the years. Acting in films, Monroe started the non-verbal communication of confidence, a skill people still yearn to learn. She would effortlessly walk into a room full of men and end up intimidating each one of them.
But there's a catch with these positive narratives about these two women - they don't talk about the downside they had to face because of loving a guy that did not love them back in their love language. They don't talk about the downsides of mental health and how any of this affects us and our lives as a whole. They don't talk about the difference between self-esteem and confidence, and how one needs to have both of these to sail through life.
Of what I know about these two women, and what I know of self-esteem, I do understand a few things:
Basic human tendency - A lot of us are wired in a way that we are attracted to things that are scarce in nature. Anything that's limited edition, scarce, bare minimum - we tend to think that's what we deserve and we get attracted toward the same. For limited edition materialistic things, this might not be as damaging. But if we talk about getting attracted to people who offer bare minimum, it could in fact get really damaging at a certain point. That's what happened to these women, and many other people in general. Trying to love a person that offers bare minimum can affect one's self-esteem, confidence, their view of the world and their view of love as well.
Self-awareness- Most often, we fall in love with people that have the qualities that we lack. Now this could get messy sometimes if we are not aware of our own selves. If we don't know what we have and what we lack; we wouldn't know why are attracted to certain categories of people. When we don't know that, we could essentially fall for the negatives in a human and mask it by saying that you are just in love.
Self-esteem needs to be an independent quality, but is often not- Self-esteem, as Google calls it is "respect and good opinion of oneself". Now this ideally, in an ideal world, needs to be absolutely independent. No matter what circumstances you are faced with, no matter who you are with, no matter what is happening inside of you - your self-esteem can't dwindle. But in a realistic sense, that's not quite possible. Your self-esteem is going to go through phases of waning and waxing depending on who you are with - and what you are feeling. While attaching your esteem to your partner is not what happens, it's more about how they make you feel about yourself that takes a hit.
A sense of worthiness - A very famous movie quote says "We accept the love we deserve", and there's nothing truer than this phrase. If we believe with all our might that we are not worthy of love, we will find ourselves in places where there is no love; and hence no worth. It has to stem from within, a sense of worthiness of all good things. No human is undeserving of love, least of all the ones who have been unlucky in love.
Both Diana and Marilyn were unlucky in love and ended up in a divorce (as per the reports, series, documentaries on them). That definitely took a huge toll on their mental health, which then translated into physical health. Nobody's to say that they weren't aware of what was happening; but more of what we can learn as an outsider.
Relationships, love, marriages - each time we enter into one, we gain a bit and we lose a bit of ourselves. There needs to be a balance in the gains and the losses. Each time we enter into a relationship, we are either signing up for a lifetime or having a piece of ourselves taken away. A lesson I learnt a little late myself, choosing who we fall in love with is not our choice. but we do have a choice of staying in love with them - and staying with them.
Much needed 💯