Do you know what they say about house plants? -That you've to talk to them for them to grow, and you also have to make sure that you talk nice things to them. It's a tried and tested technique and it 100% works for plants that are struggling to grow within closed premises.
Now if I were to tell you, your self-esteem and self-image is also a plant of sorts, would you still go ahead and bad-mouth yourself? Even if you are joking your insecurities away, do you think you should repeatedly talk about yourself in bad light (even if that's you coping mechanism) ?I did it for ages, and I have come to realise some crucial points, that you might as well call 'reflection'.
I have a small voice in my head that reads for me, thinks for me and even reacts for me. That voice usually also talks to me - and that voice is the most important one that I've ever heard. Here's why:
#1 You are the story that you tell yourself
I look back at my life and see it in 'phases'. A phase of confidence, a phase of doubts, a phase of turbulence and a phase of coming back to action. In all these phases, retrospecting, how I looked at myself always played a crucial role in how I was dealing with difficulties. In the phase of doubts, those doubts were in my head because I created them. I saw myself as a weak person, and I gave birth to an entire phase of insecurities.
In the phase of confidence and roaring ambitions, I saw myself as a person who's capable enough to handle almost all sorts of difficulties (with or without a smile on my face) - and I did handle all the difficulties with a straight face.
Your image of yourself is the start and end of the problem. Once you figure that out, you really can avoid a lot of complexities in life.
#2 : The more you focus on the flaws, the faster you lose your strengths
"Oh I am so fat I could crush you if I sit on you!" you laughed your way out of your insecurity about being overweight. With all due respect, that could be your coping mechanism. But the more you talk about yourself in this light, the more you start seeing yourself like that - and the more you lose focus on your strengths.
There was once a time I started talking to myself (and others) about how tiny I was. And within a couple of weeks, I really started looking tinier than before - to myself and to others. I then changed the narrative and I didn't look as much tiny then. That's when I realised, your narrative about yourself is the most powerful tool that you have.
"I learned a long time ago that the wisest thing I can do is to stay by my side" - Maya Angelou
#3: Your narrative of yourself is the only narrative you can control
You can never control the narratives of other humans, alive or dead. The only narrative that you can every control is one that's about yourself - in your head. Believe with all your heart all the good things you want to believe about you - and really work on sticking by that narrative.
If you see yourself as a compassionate and empathetic one, you build your actions and stories around this.
If you see yourself as a ferocious and a fearless person, you breathe life into this image.
It's never too late to change the narrative and the story about yourself
It's never the 'right timing' to change how you talk to yourself, how you talk about yourself to others and the narrative you have about yourself.
It's the only thing, at the end of the day, that matters - How you see yourself.
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