Come 2023, a strange realisation dawned on me. It obviously was playing hide and seek through and through 2022, but it might have hit like a freight train only in 2023 start. A thought, that I feel, makes all the sense in the world - and hence makes even more sense for me to pen it down.
"I will probably just skip dinner, eat a couple of biscuits and sleep off". I have spent one too many weekends saying this to myself. And mostly, it is just because I am too lazy to get off the bed and cook some nice dinner for myself.
There are so many articles on why you shouldn't settle for the bare minimum from your partner - but there's nothing that talks about why you shouldn't be GIVING yourself the bare minimum. When I say bare minimum, it includes right from bare minimum hygiene to bare minimum care and ends at bare minimum love.
When it comes to taking care of ourselves, making sure that our needs are met, making sure that we give ourselves more than the bare minimum - We mostly always fail. What generally we think "Self care" to be, is not quite what self care is. What generally we think of "treating ourselves" is not quite what it is.
When we read this, we might not immediately recognise being this way - but more often than not, we do take ourselves for granted for way too long; before we start crumbling. Let me walk you through the strange thought that dawned on me. You'll see for yourself why it makes sense.
How do we know that we are taking ourselves for granted?
Your Hygiene:
Forget about the makeup. Forget about expensive clothing. Forget about "self care" that is best known to todays world. But are you really taking care of your surroundings, your mind, your body, your food, and your thoughts that pass through your mind? Hygiene is a much larger bracket than just bathing and brushing every single day. It's the thought that "I deserve the cleanest and the most healthiest version of this".
2. Your Finances:
Do you spend frivolously on things that would not matter by the next sunrise, or do you plan finances because you deserve NOT going bankrupt or not having to ask for money from anyone else, if things hit south. It starts with making sure there is money in the bank, there's money for the most essential things in life, there's money needed to live the upgraded life year on year.
3. Your Opportunities:
"It just seems too tough for me to try". Have you ever said this to yourself ahead of a very exciting opportunity? Taking care of yourself is not excusing yourself from good opportunities because you are too scared to try something new. Taking care of oneself translates into you making sure that you bring the best possible opportunity for yourself - even if it looks tough on the outlook.
4. Your Health:
They say the healthiest of things, are also the most hated of things! They are not lying when they say that. But do you skip the healthy meals, and turn towards fast food because it is more tasty; or do you really put yourself up to a balance of health and taste? Self care is actually just making sure our body engine works for the longest time, without breaking down in a million pieces. Self care is also a balance of providing the tongue the taste, and the body the nutrients it needs!
5. Your Boundaries:
How often do you stand up for yourself? How strong are your boundaries when you talk to a friend or a lover or a manager? Do you often find yourself keeping mum because you want to avoid conflict? Do you change your habits to accommodate someone else's routine, only to find that you are not comfortable?
The notion that 'treating oneself' is inclined more towards unhealthy practices like impulse spending, over drinking alcohol, and hogging on junk food; and 'punishing oneself' refers to hitting the gym every single day, eating the healthiest of food and going on fasts to keep the engine refreshed - is the culprit at the centre of it all.
These are just a few examples of why it is incredibly difficult to stand up for ourselves. It just goes to show that most of us fail to take care of ourselves, and thus take ourselves for granted.
How can you show up for yourself?
Honour thy body:
It's ideally the 'home' we live in. It's the one space that we cannot leave, even if we ever wanted to. So the only way is to really honour our body. Respect its limits, treat it with respect, give it what it needs to function without hiccups and take from it what it has to offer - energy and movements.
2. Honour thy mind:
Our mind is where everything starts, and stops at. It is the ground on which our 'Homes' are built on. The thoughts that we entertain, the knowledge we feed it with, the content we led it absorb - it all matters. Our minds shape up even when we are asleep, based on the thoughts we have and the things we see.
3. Honour thy limits:
We all have our limits - mentally, emotionally and physically. Being aware of our limits and honouring them is a way to care about ourselves. It goes to show that we do really understand ourselves and our limits, thus we know how to navigate through our limits. Yes, we have been taught to push our limits. We actually should push what we think our limits are - but honour what actually are limits are.
4. Honour thy words:
Discipline does not really come from 'treating ourselves', it comes from honouring our own selves to the extent that we are okay letting go temporary adrenaline for permanent peace.
5. Honour thy emotions:
This is tricky, but you got to be aware of your emotions - their roots - their consequences and then honour them as well. If you are angry, you are angry. What you do with that anger resides with you. If you are sad, you are sad. But, how you react out of sadness is your responsibility. But standing up to your own beliefs and emotions is one of the major gifts that you can give yourself.
6. Honour thy time:
You are not here forever. You need to respect whatever time you are going to be around. You cannot let yourself and others disrespect your time. It's one asset you would never get back!
Self is not loving yourself , it's respecting yourself enough to give the best of every experience in life.
Like they say - A relationship with just love never succeeds, it needs understanding and respect too. It's the same with yourself.
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