Triggers usually arise from a wound deep within that hasn't been addressed, acknowledged and healed. There's a reason why certain things still end up causing disturbance in our equilibrium. There's a reason why the triggers keep reminding of us an unpleasant experience of the past. There's a reason why these triggers keep sending us off the handle. The reason is simple, yet difficult to deal with - unhealed wounds from childhood, adulthood or even teenage. The experiences could be from anywhere, but they carry a bad taste in our mouth.
Whenever you see yourself in distress, triggered, upset or hyperventilating - you need to pull yourself back from the current affairs and look at it from a 30,000 feet perspective. The best thing I do is not speak or react for the time being. Our triggers are usually our own insecurities. It's our own responsibility. Also, it talks more of us, rather than the other side.
Here's what I do when I notice me being distressed again and again over one topic:
Cut the world off for a while:
This can be anytime between an hour to one week. You start by spending time with yourself to first see who you are, what you respond to and how. So it starts with cutting the entire world off and taking time out for yourself, with yourself.
First principle thinking - WHO ARE YOU?
To be capable of tackling with extremely complicated questions, you have to start from the scratch. You have to start from “Who are you?” and I don’t mean it in a “i am a human / girl / boy” kind of way. I mean it in a “I think right now, I am”
“WHAT DO I RESPOND TO?”
We all respond to different things. Few of us respond to adultery, few respond to lies, others would respond to loud chewing, few others might respond to loud talking. We are wired that way. You have to first figure out what do you respond to. Viz-a-viz, what are your triggers?
“WHY DO I RESPOND THAT WAY?”
Now this is the most tedious of tasks. To actually go back in time and find out answers as to why your triggers exist this way could be tiresome, but it’s worthwhile. Go ahead and find out the answers to why you’re sensitive to rejection - abandonment issues? Why are you sensitive to confrontation? - Traumatic childhood that makes you run away from confrontations?
Acceptance:
Everything obviously starts with accepting the way things are designed. In the universe, if you were to start complaining about why stars are shaped that way; and not squares - you’re fighting a lost cause. So you have to first accept the way things are in present - nothing can change that. IT IS HOW IT IS.
Way forward:
Now that you have accepted, fully with a plain heart that the things are this way. No two ways about it. Now think of the way forward. How do you plan to proceed now that you know these are your triggers, the reasons behind it and it’s in the present. How many of these triggers can be worked on and changed? How many of these triggers need compassion to let go off?
Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your partner:
With respect. With compassion. With love. They say the plants grow better when you talk to them with love. What makes you think it’s not the same with your own self?
Here's a book that helped me raise my bar in my own eyes.
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