"Trust issues" is something we have all heard ourselves say, or our loved ones say at least once in our lifetimes. Sometimes, it is a fancy word we use and the other times, it just truly is our trust issue with a certain thing or a certain someone. Of course, trust issues stem from negative experiences that might have happened in the past, but over time; I have realised how distasteful it is to always be on high alert and on a constant survival and resentful mood.
When we have lived over a few decades, it becomes difficult to point our fingers toward one single instance or incident to blame. There comes a pile of incidents that build up the foundation of trust issue. Looking at the pile, you might become even more frustrated and start blaming the universe for always being mean towards you. It might as well seem like an uphill battle to even do anything about it.
Forgetting the "Why and Where" behind it, if we were to dig deeper into the "Trust issues" in itself, here's my experience with it:
The first principle: What is a trust issue?
For me, trust issue is difficulty in bringing yourself to put faith, belief and trust onto someone - that they will do the right thing by you and themselves.
It is the difficulty in getting yourself to calm your anxiety and the apparent "gut feeling" which is only trying to reaffirm the belief that has already been created : That you will be betrayed.
It is our mind playing a simple trick on ourselves "See, I told you?" by creating doubts, manifesting and harvesting negative feelings and thoughts - to the point that we self sabotage. Once that happens, we have reaffirmed to our past experiences and our mind then says "I told ya!"
It is the difficulty in accepting reality - because you have already spun various scenarios and already accused the one in front of you; with a lot of things they might not have done.
It is the need to have control and absolute visibility into everything others do around you - because you just cannot come to terms with the fact that people can be just fine around you - without any ulterior motives. So you want to know everything - just so that you are well informed.
What do trust issues do to you?
Flight, freeze, or fawn mode: If you constantly think of ways in which others will betray you - you are constantly on a survival mode. You are not focusing that much on anything else, as you are focused on safe-guarding yourself against any potential betrayal coming through to you. Constant survival mode will cause constant anxiety.
Anxiety: Being on constant survival mode enables your body to have a heightened response to everything - that causes chronic anxiety. Anxiety is not just overthinking, it is the lapse of your normal healthily body functions and then the failure to adapt to the environment around you. From gut, to blurry memory to gastric issues and then loss of appetite. Anxiety has a lot more to destroy than we give credit for.
Health issues: With having so many disruptions to your normal routine or biological responses, your health is bound to take a turn that you would not like in the longer run.
Resentment: Not trusting anyone causes resentment in your heart and mind. That resentment is inclined more towards "they have already wronged you" than a doubt of whether or not they will wrong you.
Repulsive behaviour: If you do not trust someone, you will repulse towards everything they say and do for or to you. Even if it's good, you will tend to see the bad in their actions and gratify yourself of your own belief.
Failure to enjoy life and moments: If you constantly have to distrust someone, you are actually not living in the moment anymore. You are either living in your own version of the future or the past of your events.
What can you do against your trust issue?
It all starts in your mind and spirit first. Like everything else, what you manifest and fix your mindset onto will multiple. A couple of beliefs that helped me soothe my trust issues were:
"What needs to happen, will happen" : Rather than keeping in mind Murphy's Law, try believing this theory that you have absolutely no control (or minimal control) over others. They will do what they find as the best option - so you barely can do anything about it. Let things flow, and just trust yourself that if things go south, you will figure it out.
"The universe has no pattern that it follows, neither does your life": Humans are wired to find patterns in everything they do, everything that happens to them and every person they interact with. But truth be told, there are no patterns in the universe that we live in. We take chances, we take risks and we have their outcomes based on a lot of other external factors. So just because it happened to you once - maybe, thrice - does not mean it will happen again.
"There is always an upside": There are things that are good, there are things that are done in good faith and there are people who do not have ulterior motive against you. The belief needs to stem from the above two points, that let go off the control and see for yourself who should be trusted.
"Nothing good has ever come out of suffocating others": When we try to control too much - others actions or the outcome in itself, we are essentially sabotaging the entire process that universe has in action. Everyone has a mind of their own, preferences of their own and if we try to control that - rest assured, nothing good is ever going to come out.
These seem just to be phrases when you read it - but when you practice it as and when situations present themselves, you will know the power behind these phrases. There's a lot that we can do if we learn to control our monkey minds and if we can train our minds to be less surviving and more thriving.
It all always starts with your mind first. Then your body. Then the coordination, and action between mind and body.
"Listen to everyone, but trust none" is a foregone tail. If we do that, we are not really living a life worth living. Listen to everyone, analyse and place your trust on the right ones - this should be a new mantra.
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